Dealing with the roller coasters of life often makes it hard for a person to be happy.  Frequently people think that they need different circumstances for things to be better.  People might assume that happiness will come after getting a new job, after they get over something, or after they meet someone special.  These circumstances may dictate feelings and it can be hard to find happiness when you feel fenced in with chaos and pain.

Counselor Samantha Heller responded to the article about creating our own happiness.   She believes thathappiness is more than something that is associated with what is going well in life, it’s also about being able to deal with sadness, pain, and when things aren’t going great. Heller believes that people should stress the importance of finding happiness during these times.

“The ultimate goal of happiness is to improve the way we live,” says Heller.  “Since not everything is always going to be perfect, and no one has a problem free life, it’s key to know the importance of managing your feelings and actions to improve the way you live.  You can’t control external issues or the choices others make, but you can control how you deal with them.  Even if someone has a habit of focusing on the negatives of a situation, it’s possible to take control and focus on thinking about things in a more positive way.”

People who are resilient have an easier time dealing with obstacles in life.  But Heller says that if anyone want to be happy and healthy, it’s important to understand how to deal with the shortcomings of life, no matter how emotional a person you are.

“People often try to hold on to their feelings,” says Heller.  “When you want to cry, cry.  People that try to hide their feelings often at some point let it out in outbursts or anger.  People who give acceptance to how they are feeling is a key step to triumphing any struggles, and learning to be okay with them.  From then you can begin to make positive actions to deal with these emotions.”

According to Heller when there are disappointments in life, it’s also important to focus on being thankful for what you do have.

“Expectations often leads us to being sad, when we don’t get what we want,” says Heller.  “But having gratitude for everything that we do have will help any shortcoming and give a bigger appreciation for things we do have.”

Photo by © Thinkstockphotos/ Getty images

Photo by © Thinkstockphotos/ Getty images

Another important component to maintaining happiness during difficult circumstances is making sure you are surrounded by others.

“We have to understand that to maintain joy, (it) is to let other people help,” says Heller.  “Letting others provide help during unpleasant times is important to staying happy and not letting the negative feelings take over.  When surrounded by other people who are happy and want to help, it becomes contagious, happiness is contagious, gratitude is contagious.  It makes it a lot easier to want to increase your joys when you have a good people there for you.”

Heller states that people have to learn to be okay with adversities of life.  Everyone experiences losses and misfortunes in life.   She believes in these situations that it’s okay to experience happiness, even in the most dire of situations.

Heller said, “It’s important to recognize that bad things are a part of life. But it is possible to continue to be happy without letting them devastate you.  It’s important to keep a positive attitude. It’s hard to do that when someone is focused on being sad or angry.  It’s good to be happy even when you are sad.  It’s healthy to know these happy moments are possible even in the worst of situations.”